Saved By Grace

Short Crazzy Cabbies

2005-10-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

"It's great to be back in the cab. First day back since I lost my my license."
-heard as I got in a taxi yesterday

Sure gave me lots of confidence as I sat at the back watching my life flash before me. He was a 55yo prolly drugged out looking cabbie, and he managed to get me to the ABN investors' meeting, while talking to himself and with his mood oscillating between jubilation and severe angritude or izit angriness. Wadever. He had lots to complain about everyone else save his cat. Machiam like he very the good one lor. I survived, but I wouldn't buy stock in the likelihood that all his passengers survive.
Bless his soul.

Recommendation: Short insane people driving me places.

Mystery Kermy

2005-10-04T20:54:00.000+08:00

Weirdest weirdest thing. I came back last night and heard a frog croaking in the house. I thought the noise prolly originated from the garden below since that's where frogs usually hang out. So I showered, made myself a nice warm hot tea, kicked back and turned on the telly.

"croak" "croak" .... kermit kept going and I realized that it sounded nearer than I thought. The croaks seemed to come from the kitchen so I proceeded towards it. As I entered the kitchen, the croaks stopped. The minute I exited the kitchen, it started again. Determined to expose the intruder, I searched every nook and cranny but could not find the bugger. My kitchen's not that big and kermy can't be that small. This is ridiculous. She's a frog not a chameleon. Where in the world can she be hiding?

Frustrated, I left the kitchen and of course, the croaking started. So I thought, since I can't find you, may you croak till you sore and croak no more. Ya, right. I texted some friends to tell them and the minute I hit the "send" button, I knew that I was asking for it. The wise cracks were unbelievable. "The frogs must have made their way there from Johor", "Don't you have security?". Wa lau. With friends like these, maybe I should get pets instead; prolly amphibians or something lor. Feeling bengish.

Anyway, thanks for all the wonderful comments. They really helped.

Thank goodness the froggy is gone. I can get some sleep tonight.

Unless , kermy strikes again. Frog legs anyone??

Faith

2005-09-10T12:26:00.000+08:00

How wonderful it would be to have a faith so resolute, so unrelenting that the stormiest storms have no power over them. For then, we shall be absolutely unshakeable. Is this possible?

I think it is! Not that I have achieved it, by no means. But I believe that faith that is solidly grounded and faith that proves God over and over again can only grow from strength to strength. Check out "Father Abraham". Abe for short. Abe didn't always have faith. Not consistent faith. No doubt he doubted at times; as we do. The important thing is that he practiced his faith and it just grew and grew and grew. In the end, he birthed nations and was the only one in the bible that God referred to as His friend. How cool is that? Hence, it is possible to have a solid, consistent faith.

When faith is weak, I believe it is because either I don't know God, I haven't "burned my boats" or just plain disobedience.

Knowing God
For if I know Him for who He really is, how can I but trust Him? Has He not fed me, clothed me, and kept me? If the sheep does not trust the faithful shepherd, who has failed? Shall I be like the Israelites who remain stiff-necked and forgetful after God has delivered them from trial to trial? The depth of faith is dependent on the object of faith. If the object is reliable, the faith is strong. No, I will remember the faithfulness of my Lord and I will trust His character to deliver me from all of my trials.

What kind of Christian do I want to be?
The issue is not the cares of this world for they are many and will always be there. The bigger issue here is the question "What kind of Christian do I want to be?". I have 2 choices. I can either be a biblical Christian or a cultural one. A cultural one will always stumble and fall and the issue is one of living by sight and not by faith. The problem is that I find myself going back and forth ie; biblical to culural and vice versa. I must stop this. Truth is, "I haven't burned my boats!". To burn my boats is to delete all "escape clauses" and rely on God 100%. It is an issue of commitment. It is a commitment to trust God even in the deepest valley. It is a commitment to trust God even when the situation seems hopeless. The absence of circumstances does not negate the promises of God. It is a firm decision to trust Him; no matter what. He has proved Himself and He will continue to do so.

Obedience
Finally and most importantly, it is an issue of obedience for me. Has not the Lord commanded me to not be anxious about anything? Has He not commanded me to rejoice at all times? Is this in conflict with the trials and pain we experience in life? Indeed isn't this the care of the shepherd who asks us to seek Him first? Whatever my cares are, they are nothing to Him. NOTHING. He is the possessor of Heaven AND Earth. At Eden, He gave the whole world to Adam and Eve. If it was translated to today's terms, I can imagine myself flying around the world, staying in the best hotels, eating anything I like, having everything. EVERYTHING. (This is not to say that having everything is the purpose of life for it is not; rather this is to demonstrate the generosity of my Lord). This was the Kingdom of God on earth and it reflected His generous nature then. His desire has not changed. No good thing will He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. But first things first. The other side of obedience is always blessing.

My Lord, help me to always have faith in you. For not doing so is unbelief and this would be the greatest crime. Help me to live by faith and not by sight. Keep my commitment in you and grow my faith in you. Help me to be a true biblical Christian and not just a cultural one. Thank you Jesus

The God of Impossible Situations!

2005-07-16T09:50:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged for so long and my dear friend, Patrick nudged me to blog again and indeed I have every cause to do so especially when I am in a position to testify to God's goodness; yet again.

Firstly, I was just thinking how blessed I am to be attending Emmanuel and that I am part of a cell group that is led by a wonderful wonderful person - "Lady Charlotte". I've never really belonged to any cell group before and so I really feel quite attached to this bunch. They are a people who really love the Lord and have just been a huge encouragement in my life. I feel like I've known them a long time and yes, each time we meet they never fail to remind me. Subtle hints such as "Ah..so you know that ole song ..ah", or "Been here awhile??". They think I don't get it, but I do. Well, I Think I do. There was a funny incident last night. While we gathered to pray and lay hands, Roland decided to lay his finger instead. I almost burst out laughing. I suppose it's probably more powerful then laying of hands now that I think about it, for now all the power is laser focused through that finger. (Of course that is under the assumption that that finger has been recently sanitized". Effective for curing site-pains I think; like migraines. Later, I laid my finger on Roland. I had to. It is so good to be in the presence of God's people. I believe that God has a vision for us as individuals and as a group. I think I've distracted from my main topic so I will return to the antics of my cell members in annuder blog.

About 2 months ago, I was placed in an organzation that had not been fruitful for over 16 months. There are 5 Christians in the team and they did everything possible and yet there was no harvest; no fruits. They worked diligently and toiled night and day and yet there was no success. This is a group of professionals of the highest caliber and work ethic but try as they may they could never see the results of their toil. It was very disheartening and heartbreaking to see this. The whole organization looked at them in some contempt. This cannot be God's will for His beloved.

Yet, I was convinced that this is where God wants me to be. There were times when I felt disheartened too. But somehow, God always reminded me that this is where He wants me to be. And so, I wrestled with Him. I repeated what Jacob said "I will not let you go until you bless me". I rationalized that if this is where God wants me to be, then the only reasonable outcome MUST be that He wants me to succeed in this role. And if He has appointed me , annointed me, and placed me here, then I CANNOT fail. So I reminded God of His promises and I entreated Him to be true to His own words. But I was also reminded that no amount of human/physical gifts will bring the harvest unless the Lord provides it. So I am humbled and duly reminded that the blessing truly comes from the Lord and the Lord alone.

I wish to highlight God's hand in this particular situation. For if you had the chance to walk this path with me you will know that this blessing happened only because of His grace and nothing else. It felt like I was pushing a boulder by myself up a mountain but it was so worth it. Sometimes I think God puts us in "impossible situations" so that the only reasonable explanation of a turnaround is God Himself. Otherwise, we may think that it was by our power and hence steal the glory from Him.

The turnaround happened as so:
Met the prospect (who was not the ideal target profile) and uncovered a need
Did a couple of product demos, and held many meetings
Prospect gave us "buying signals" and said that they will buy our solution
Days later, prospect says they want to explore other similar solutions
We had another meeting to restate our value and explain why we are the most suitable; prospect agrees and confirms that they will work with us
However, when we tried to engage them further, they wouldn't even take our calls
I met with the CEO and she told me otherwise; that they had decided on a competitor's product
I highlighted to her that f they really think that another solution is more suitable that they should use them. However, I also highlighted that I thougt that the evaluation process had not been optimum and our job was to help them to make the right decision
Suddenly the "weather" changed
The team became more responsive to us
But they still would not agree to go with us because the team felt that they didn't have time and didn't want to implement the project this year. They said they will go with us, but not now
It seemed that this will never happen and we were disheartened
But we continued to look to the Lord. For we knew in our hearts that we were not building our own kingdom but His
Now the "weather" changed again. It became brighter
Suddenly they decided that we are the right partner and they will go with us this year!
But our team who had been given "false hopes" before dared not believe that it would come to pass
I got a call from the CEO asking for lunch on July 15th; and of course I agreed to (The relevance of this will be clear afterwards)
Hence the purchase requisition process started but not without hiccups
The manager putting all this together insisted that he needed to put all the components of the solution (ie; software, hardware and services) into the requisition
We had no problem with that. But their IT dept couldn't decide what particular hardware they needed and stalled the entire process for a week
July 15th was the target date for close
I then called the CFO to assist to push the IT on this but when the manager knew about this, he called me and said that he was not interested to do this anymore
I managed to talk him out of it and the process restarted again. That was July 13th
On July 15th, he said that we should get the PO on that day itself and they just needed to get the signatures of both the CFO and the CEO. My conclusion was that the CEO would have given some indication that they would go ahead with this; else the manager would not have given me the commitment
I went to lunch with the CEO and lo and behold, she didn't even know that the requisistion had been raised and that she needed to approve it that day. It was no small sum. My heart sank. She assured me that she would look at it.
At 7pm yesterday, I picked up the PO
And headed straight to cell

Great is His faithfulness.
The Lord's promises are true
They have been true for 2000 years
They will continue to be true forever

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand

God is the God of impossible situations. There is no performance problem with Him. Let us trust in His promises and His faithfulness. "For EVERYONE who asks, receives. EVERYONE". May all the glory go to Him. No good thing will He withhold from those who love Him. Amen

This is the day that the Lord has made!

2005-06-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking about several things lately. Broken relationships, broken hearts, the level of my commitment to God whom I call "Lord", and "lost friends" from the perspective of having lost their way in the Lord.

My fundamental belief is that God will work all things for my good. This is His promise to me and I believe it and stand on His promises and not on my feelings or emotions.

The problem comes when I start looking at my desires as opposed to submitting to what God wants for me. I don't know why I keep doing this. Maybe I have a learning disability! No la. Do I? Human nature? Maybe I really do have a learning disability. Sigh ..So many times in my life when I had heeded my own way, it always ended up either in pain or in an outcome that probably wasn't God's best. Yet I keep doing it over and over. Stooopid. Telling myself that it is natural to do so doesn't solve the problem; it only justifies it. So what do I do?

I've said to a few close friends that I am submitting the 3 things that consist of most of life to Him. My ambitions, my possessions, and my relationships. With reference to my previous blog, I assert that Father knows best and I will leave this to Him. His desires over mine and may I walk in the path of righteousness for His name's sake.

But still, I have to deal with my loneliness and my longings. To pursue my own will, is to take responsibility for its outcome. "Trust Me" says the Lord, Trust Me. Your grace, Lord..your grace. Apply your grace to my heart ..

But I know this, If we put our hope in anything other than God, then we will be disappointed. Jesus said that was like a man building a house on sand. When the storms came the house fell because it did not have a firm foundation. And storms will come.

But if I put my trust in God I know that He is wise enough to know what is best, I know that He is benevolent enough to give me the best He has, and I know that He is powerful enough to do whatever that needs to be done. There is no person, no organization, no law which will never fail me, but my God never fails. He is Forever Faithful! Jesus NEVER fails!

I am reminded of an old hymn which goes:

My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus name

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

Your will be done my Lord. Your will.
Amen!

How Excellent Is Your Name!

2005-06-19T22:27:00.000+08:00

I had a wonderful day today. Worshipping the Lord is simply awesome. Everything I 'have' has been given by Him. Including the love I have for Him, faith to believe and trust, and a life of peace and hope. Nothing is of me. Nothing. He chose to love me even before the foundations of the world. Even before Adam came into the picture, he saw me and loved me. He knew exactly how absolutely recalcitrant I would be and yet He loved me. (The pranks I used to pull, and the wickedness in my heart is too dark for anyone to accept; yet He loves me). Indeed it's true that for a good man, someone may die for him; but for a wicked one? For the sake of everyone alive today, how blessed are we that He promised Noah that no more will He ever send a flood to rid the world of the wicked; for then we would be gone tomorrow. Hence, the picturesque rainbow. His signature to us that He will never send a flood to obliterate the world. Coolness.

To think that He knew that He had to send Jesus to the world to save us is love beyond comprehension; without words. I am just simply amazed at His love for me; indeed for us all. And not only to save us from ourselves, but to impute His righteousness upon us so that every blessing as promised to Abraham is ours to claim.

I love the gospel. For it is there, that a righteousness is revealed.

Oh Lord, my Lord. How excellent is Your name in all the earth!

2005-06-11T10:40:00.000+08:00

My gorgeous boys. 2 heartbreakers in the making ....

Persecution at work

2005-06-11T01:58:00.000+08:00

In the end times, we will be persecuted. If we be true to our Master we shall soon lose the friendship of the world. The sinful find our conversation distasteful; in our pursuits the carnal have no interest; things dear to us are dross to worldlings, while things precious to them are contemptible to us. There have been times, and the days may come again, when faithfulness to Christ has entailed exclusion from what is called “society.”

Even now to a large extent the true Christian is like a Pariah, lower than the lowest caste, in the judgment of some. The world has in former days counted it God’s service to kill the saints. We are to reckon upon all this, and should the worst befall us, it is to be no strange thing to us.

These are silken days, and religion fights not so stern a battle. I will not say it is because we are unfaithful to our Master that the world is more kind to us, but I half suspect it is, and it is very possible that if we were more thoroughly Christians the world would more heartily detest us, and if we would cleave more closely to Christ we might expect to receive more slander, more abuse, less tolerance, and less favor from men.

This is to be expected.

BUT ....
My Lord says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."John 16:32-34.

My Lord also says, "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

My 2nd Favourite Psalm: Psalms 91

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]
2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

My Lord loves me and I know that no vindication is required. They WILL know the truth and the truth will make them free. My role? Simply to rest in Him. Simply to demonstrate the love of God; to bless those who persecute me. He will deliver me. My Jesus never fails.

Some trust in princes and some in chariots, but my trust is in the Lord.

How blessed are His people. My Lord will deal with this and He will bring good out of it. This, I am sure. How cool is my Lord?

Army Photo (British army that is ..)

2005-06-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

Found this in my drawer.

To Marcus

2005-06-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

Today I discovered that a friend whom I used to serve with at church some years ago, passed away. He was in his early 30s and even though he himself had cancer; chose to serve the church nonetheless. He was always full of the joy of the Lord and worked hard to serve others who were similarly inflicted. He was totally selfless and had a smile for everyone. The last time I saw him was when he came by my office. We had a little meeting and as I remember it was filled with much laughter. I love my brother dearly and was very distraught when I heard the news. I still am. I'm glad that he is with our Lord now, but still, he will be sorely missed.

Yesterday, I was stirred to think about the efficacy of my life and today, I am confronted with the brevity of it. Given these realities, I ask myself, 'How then should I live?'.

Eminent Grace

2005-06-05T14:20:00.000+08:00

The heart wants what it wants. I can't seem to stop this feeling. I try to stop it, I try to put it out of my mind and most times when I fix my thoughts on the Lord, I feel alright. But the thoughts keep coming back together with the feelings. The funny thing is that I remember only all the good parts. I still think the world of her and of her heart. And I wish we were together. I feel that I've missed the sun's rays on my face; every kind of food seems tasteless; sometimes even life seems to have lost its meaning or color.

I keep asking myself why. I have God with me. He completes me and His grace is sufficient.

I know that we are relational beings. We are called to relate to God and to others. Do we need others to complete us? Is that why eve was made for adam? I don't know. All I know is that I have a deep seated longing within me that tugs at my heart constantly. Sometimes I despise my self for feeling this way. My dependence should be on God and God alone. Maybe that's the problem. But my heart reminds me ever so constantly, that I love her.

Despite our best efforts to avoid and relief pain, a deep level of hurt remains that we cannot escape. If we maintain our commitment to minimize pain, we will be required to numb our longings, to pretend that we want less than we really do. And at the same time we cut the nerves that cause us pain, we destroy all hope of joy.

If we realize that we are relational beings then the awareness of struggle in our lives will lead us to evaluate the quality of our relationships - our relationship with God, others and ourselves. As we look in that direction, we will be drawn to a paralyzing terror and determination. "No one is doing for me what needs to be done, so I'll handle life on my own". When we enter the reality of terrifying aloneness and when we sense the presence of a clenched fist that angrily declares our intention to survive, we will be either destroyed or drawn to God in a deepening relationship.

For my longing Lord, your strength
For my loneliness Lord, your strength
Your grace is emminently sufficient Lord.

Ashamed and not fully committed

2005-06-05T12:45:00.000+08:00

I read about John Huss today (1369 - 1415) . A Reformer before the actual Reformation. Through the remarkable providence of God, the work of John Wycliffe made its way from England to Bohemia and into the mind and heart of John Huss. This humble priest would stand against the formidable forces of the corrupt clergy and become an undaunted pioneer of the Reformation of the sixteenth century.

On his 42nd birthday John was led from prison in chains before a pompous assembly and forced to witness the "high mass" followed by the burning of his books to which he simply smiled. He was then led away to the stake under a strong guard of armed men.

At the place of execution, Huss knelt down , spread out his hands and prayed aloud, "Lord, unto thy hands I commit my spirit. I am willing patiently and publicly to endure this dreadful, shameful and cruel death for the sake of thy gospel and the preaching of thy word." At this, his persecutors placed a crown on his head with images of devils. He was tied to the stake with wet ropes and a chain around his neck and feet. An old peasant thinking of doing good, placed a stick on the wood pile but Huss only smiled and said compassionately, "O holy innocence!".

Through it all, he demonstrated peace and an undaunted spirit. The Duke of Bavaria pleaded for him to recant but Huss replied in a loud voice, 'I have ever taught according to God's word, and will still hold fast the truth, which this hour I shall seal with my death". Astonished the duke hid his face with his hands and fled the scene in tears. As fire was set to the pile, the martyr began singing "Christ, those Son of the living God, have mercy on me". Thus, the great reformer gave up his spirit and entered into the presence of his loving savior.

What a testimony! It's amazing how God has touched his saints in such a wonderful way to fulfill His purposes. From Paul, to Augustine to John Huss, Luther, Spurgeon to many many more. Each had a defining moment in their lives and made a 180 degree turn to love and serve the Savior. Each spent every waking moment of their lives in serving our Master. Each had gone through persecution, scorn and depravation. Thousands of books were written, sermons preached, and many more lives were changed because of these saints.

The spirit within me churns as I feel how thoroughly superficial I must seem. What have I done for the Lord? What have I sacrificed for Him? How lightly and casually have I treated my Lord and Master? How many people have I impacted for His sake? He who gave His all for me. He who died for me to save me. Even before I was conceived. What wonderful glorious love the Father has bestowed upon me. He did all this for me and yet all I seem to be concerned about is to serve my own selfish ends. How terrible I am. How self-serving.

I must serve Him to the best of my ability. I must.

Lord Jesus, give me a ministry. Let me serve you. Show me where I can be of most use to you. Show me, my Lord.

Two Roads

2005-06-05T10:45:00.000+08:00

Making the right decision is never easy. First you make your decisions, then your decisions turn right around and it makes you. How simple life would be if I knew exactly what I should do every single time. But then again, what if I did know what I should do but didn't have the courage to carry it out? Then, it becomes an issue of fear (or of distrust in God) and not one of indecision. Human nature is really odd. We sometimes prefer certain misery over uncertainty. What kind of life would that be though? Even worse is ambivalence. Nothing clouds the mind more than ambivalence. I believe that it is the world's greatest "time-waster" and it causes more distress than anything else. To live is to act; to act is to decide.

Some chase happiness and think they will get it. Some even go as far to suggest "Do whatever that makes you happy"; as if this is our main purpose in life. A little selfish, no? But more than that, is this even achievable? We are called to serve others and not ourselves. We are called to be holy, not happy. But I believe that in doing so, we will receive joy beyond comprehension. Therein is the abundant life that Christ promised to them that love Him.

Thank God that He is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. His guidance is sure and sound. The only requirement is trust and obedience. "Trust and Obey", my grandma's favorite song.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. From henceforth, I resolve to make decisions that improve the quality of my life and that of others. What makes a good decision? One that brings me closer to my goals I suppose. And my one dearest goal is to love and serve my Lord. My decision must be based on truth and nothing else.

What do I value in relationships? Love, Faithfulness, Truth.
The difficulty comes when I cling on to my will relentlessly; like a puppy holding on to a rag doll believeing that it is the best and only thing worth having. If only I could raise my vision to see what God sees. He has promised to bless me beyond what I can even think or do.

This day, I commit 3 things to the Lord. My ambitions, my possessions, my relationships.

The Lord is my Sheperd and He has promised to show me the way. My role is to walk in it. He has also assured me that He will work all things for my good. How cool is that? What greater assurance do I need? He who sent His own son to die for me, will He not also give me good gifts? Of course He will. His promises are sure. There is no performance problem with Him. As nana always sang ... "Trust and Obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey ..." Amen.

Blogging about blogging

2005-06-04T17:58:00.000+08:00

I've been meaning to blog but have not because I wanted to be clear about my own purpose for blogging. Is it an avenue for me to rant and rave on everything and anything in my life? Is it a way to keep a diary for reflection; albeit a public one? Or is it simply a convenient way to share my thoughts with my closest friends? I guess it's probably a little of everything. It's an amazing form of easy and open communication and I want to use it wisely and responsibly. Hopefully, more of what I write will edify and encourage anyone who reads it deliberately or by chance. May God be glorified in my life and on this blog.

I suppose blogging should be governed by the same biblical principles that govern our speech. Blogs can be used for great good, but like any speech, it must be bridled in order to bring grace to those who hear. Blogging is a form of 'diarizing', but one written expressly for others to read—or else why the public forum? My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment (Jas. 3:1).